


Don't wanna throw away another lonely life

by zation



Series: Holy Diver [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Background Relationships, Blow Jobs, Cheating Castiel, Comforting Dean, Crying Castiel, Devoted Man!Castiel, Dirty Talk, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Hunter Dean, Infidelity, M/M, POV Dean, Panicking Castiel, Porn with Feelings, Praise, Religious Content, Sexual crisis, identity crisis, lots of feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-12
Updated: 2016-01-15
Packaged: 2018-05-13 11:44:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5706418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zation/pseuds/zation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to <em>Another day, another lonely night</em> and will probably make a lot more sense if you’ve read that one first. </p><p>Or,</p><p>The one where Dean returns to Pontiac, Illinois.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The guilt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this is the next installment of this series and let me tell you, it got a lot more… _emotional_ than I expected. I swear, these two…
> 
> Anyways, thank you for reading and thank you, BeeCas, for beta reading again!

  
  


It took Dean all of two months and seventeen days to get back to Pontiac. Not that that had been his decision.

No, Dean had called after only a month. He had spent the first month away from Cas thinking about what he had actually done to the man, namely depraved him. It didn’t feel good thinking about it but it sure as hell felt great in the shower, during some self-loving.

Fuck, Dean had been known to deprave quite a lot of people but no one had stuck under his skin quite like the blue-eyed man. Maybe it was because he thought he had seriously fucked with the man’s religious beliefs and life or maybe it was because Cas made these little surprised, breathless sounds when he came and just _fuck_.

So he had been the one to make the first contact, naturally since Cas had no way of contacting Dean. Not that Dean had actually had Cas’ home address or phone number or something like that but it was easy enough to come by. He and Sam had been working a case of Rugaru-esque disappearances near Ottawa, Illinois and had figured that the near-hour drive would definitely be worth it. Hell, maybe he could dump Sam at a library or something and just claim to be bar-hopping for a few hours? He just wanted to check in on Cas, because he had promised to do so. Wanted to know what the man had made of his "deprived" thoughts and yeah…

The call hadn’t gone as Dean had hoped.

For one, Cas had been extremely cold and distant with him. And it was fine, Dean could deal with that. He had after all betrayed the man’s trust in about the worst imaginable way. Still, Dean had expected at least _something_. At first it had even seemed like Cas didn’t recognize him and Dean had for a moment had a wild thought that it was actually Jimmy he was talking to and that he had inadvertently revealed Cas’ biggest secret. But no, it had been Cas alright and he hadn’t been as happy to hear from Dean as Dean had been to hear Cas’ voice.

Which lead to point number two, mainly that Cas was very much _not_ interested in a little rendezvous. Yes, he was still married to Daphne. No, he hadn’t told anyone else his secret (hadn’t dared and oh boy, did Dean feel guilty about that). And especially no, he wasn’t the least curious about what a night rolling round the hay with Dean could entail.

Honestly, Dean couldn’t say if he had wanted to just bloody talk to the man or if he wanted to shag him more. But it didn’t really matter because Cas had made the decision for Dean and had broken off their phone call when Dean was mid-sentence.

Dean felt awful for the next month and a half and of course dealt with it the only way he knew. Namely by mainly imbibing a lot of alcohol and fucking around, both by actually fucking people and by getting in a lot of bar-fights.

And fuck no, he hadn’t been able to hide his mood from Sam, don’t be ridiculous. But he couldn’t very well admit what was wrong, could he? So no, he just made up a story about one of the women he had banged recently and how he thought she’d given him the clams. Sam laughed so much his hair flopped around his head and Dean breathed a sigh of relief, thinking himself safe to wallow yet another day.

And safe he was, until that second phone call.

The _second_ time it was Cas that called him and Dean had to physically make himself not yell at the man in surprise. Cas sounded timid and sad this time and Dean very quickly deduced that the last time had been just as much a front as he had hoped it would be.

Still, it was very obvious that he was trying to put distance between himself and Dean.

"I think we should meet." Cas mumbled and Dean felt a thrill go through him. One that he quickly squashed because calm the fuck down.

"I think so too. Listen, Cas, I just wanna—"

"Could you come to Pontiac?"

Dean pressed his lips together, trying not to let Cas’ curt tone course through his whole body but it was difficult. He just wanted to make up what he had done, taking advantage of Cas like that, leaving him to deal with the consequences on his own. Dean didn’t know why but he somehow really needed this man to be okay.

"Sure." He mumbled and pressed the phone closer to his ear. "When?"

"Can you… Can you come tomorrow?"

Dean thought about it. He and Sam were currently holed up at Bobby’s house in Sioux Falls, helping him sorting through his lore books and nursing their latest wounds, just enjoying the peace and quiet the lull in monsters brought. The brothers had decided to stay at Bobby’s for as long as the lull lasted and so far they’d only been here three days. The chances were high that they would have enough time here for Dean to make it to Pontiac and back without his disappearance waking much suspicion. Plus, Dean was already tired of sorting through books and had been complaining all day yesterday. It wouldn’t be weird for him to ditch Sam and Bobby right now and they would honestly probably appreciate it.

Still, driving from Sioux Falls to Pontiac would take at least eight hours, if not nine. It would be a long drive and it was already late in the evening. For practically anyone else Dean would have pushed the date but for Cas, he thought he really should try and make it.

"Sure." He said again and listened carefully for Cas’ little sigh. Had he been holding his breath, waiting? Dean liked to think he had. But it was a slippery slope, that, thinking that Cas wanted things from Dean. "Probably can’t make it until evening, though. I’m in South Dakota."

"Oh." Cas sounded as if he was gnawing his lower lip and yeah, Dean’s dick clearly remembered the man’s plush lips but fuck you, dick. "Is it… Am I interrupting something? Is it another ghost?"

The way he said _ghost_ , so very unused to the word in actual sentences, made Dean smile. So Cas had believed him then, all those weeks ago. Dean had really wanted to ask about that as well, the first time he called, but Cas hadn’t let him talk. Not like this. Dean didn’t know what had changed but he hoped it would be enough for him to be given a chance to explain himself.

Not that he had much in way of explanation. _I thought you were smoking hot and I loved how innocent you were. Maybe still are? Wanna test that?_ Yeah, Dean was a creepy molester that was for fucking sure…

" No, Cas." He said and couldn’t keep that smile out of his voice. "I’m actually on a break, honest."

"That’s good." Cas mumbled and sounded as if he wanted to ask something more, maybe about ghosts and Dean’s actual job, but instead he just cleared his throat and went back to being business-like. And Dean pretended not to be bothered by it. "Do you know where the Quality Inn is in Pontiac?"

"I do." Dean said and tried to keep his tone light. He was just glad it wasn’t the same motel he and Sam had slept at when they were there. The last thing he wanted was for someone to recognize him. That was enough of a possibility what with him having impersonated a priest and everything. Wasn’t like he remembered every face that had come to mass and confessions.

"Can you be there tomorrow? I mean, tomorrow evening. Seven?"

"Absolutely, I’ll drive as fast as I can."

"Just…" Cas actually fucking _sounded_ as if he was blushing. " Just drive safe." He hastened to press out and then the line went dead in Dean’s ear.

Dean looked at it for a moment and couldn’t help smiling, somehow. He knew he had screwed up and he didn’t know why it mattered but he had and it did. And now he could see Cas again, maybe sort up this thing between them and put it to rest. Sort out his own guilt.

Maybe Cas would be the one to offer Dean absolution and wouldn’t that just be bizarre and imperfectly perfect?

  
  


*****

  
  


Dean had first thought to sleep through the night and go off early in the morning but the more he had thought about it the more he had realized that he probably wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway. So he had grabbed a sandwich, made a lame excuse to Sam and Bobby (you’re boring, women are fun, wink-wink, smirk) and had been out the door before Sam’s eye-roll had even finished a whole circle.

He had driven all night, only stopping shortly off I-380 outside of Elk Run Heights to sleep in the Impala’s backseat at a McDonald’s parking lot. He had only given himself a couple of hours, though, not wanting to miss his chance at whatever the hell this was.

He arrived in Pontiac way too early and ended up at PJ’s bar, eating a pizza for dinner and having a beer to calm his nerves. One beer quickly turned into a finger or two of whisky and fucking hell, here was yet another slippery slope. He couldn’t show up at the Quality Inn drunk, he knew that. He needed to be sober to talk to Cas like he wanted to and he didn’t think Cas would appreciate it if Dean stunk of booze. Would probably say it was another sin.

But you know what? The real sin here was putting such a made-for-sex voice on such a pretty face and then make him religiously unattainable, that was the real fucking sin.

And there we go, Dean was done with alcohol for the day.

He spent a few hours at PJ’s anyway, nursing a coke and just idling by, trying to think about what Cas wanted from this meeting and shit, he almost lost track of time.

But then suddenly it was seven o’clock and Dean found himself parking outside the Quality Inn. Just as he exited the Impala, wondering if he should call Cas, he spotted the man outside one of the rooms, just standing there awkwardly by the door, hugging himself.

Fuck, he looked good. His hair was ruffled from the slight wind and his cheeks looked pink, as if he was blushing or maybe warm. Dean liked that.

Cas was looking straight at Dean and his car and Dean couldn’t help but grin as he sauntered up to the man. He wanted to think at least a small part of Cas was happy to see him because goddamnit, there was no denying Dean was liking what he was seeing right now.

"Hey, Cas." He said in a low tone when he joined the man and watched how Cas’ blue eyes shifted from the Impala to Dean’s face. It felt good when Cas looked at him, Dean decided. He felt seen.

"I thought that car was the janitor’s?" Cas said and Dean wanted to ask if that really was the first thing that came to mind when they met after so long, but held back.

Instead he grinned wider and gestured over his shoulder. "Nah, that’s my baby. Sam’s my brother."

"Oh." Cas was looking at the car again and seemed to contemplate something. It made Dean uneasy, standing here so close but so unable to say and do what he really wanted.

"So, Cas…" Dean harrumphed when Cas once again shifted his gaze over to Dean. Fuck, his eyes were blue. "You get a room?"

Cas’ brow furrowed momentarily but then he sighed and turned around to open the door behind him, leaving it open in invitation as he stepped inside. Dean followed and took care to lock the door before even taking in the room. It was a single-bed room but interestingly enough it was a queen sized bed that stood in the middle of the room. Not super-big but certainly big enough… Dean wanted to kick himself for having such thoughts but the truth was that he was having them and there was nothing he could do about it.

Cas was standing in the middle of the room, hugging himself once again. He glanced over at the bed when he saw Dean looking and shuffled nervously on the spot.

"Look," he started uncertainly. "I called you here so we could… talk."

Dean nodded and decided to take the liberty of removing his leather jacket. Cas was after all already out of both his jacket and shoes. "I got that, and I want that too, Cas." He stepped up to the other man but kept distance enough so Cas could run if he wanted to. "I can’t even begin to apologize, I know that. Pretending to be a priest, taking your confessions and turning your fears into this filthy, dirty _thing_ for my own pleasure. I just—"

" Why did you?"

"What?" Dean blinked dumbly, having lost his thoughts when Cas interrupted him. He had worked on his speech for forgiveness and even though what he had said so far had come out nothing like the speech he had still been on a roll. Now he actually fucking floundered and timid Cas was standing there, looking at him so demandingly that he once again wanted to ask if it wasn’t Jimmy after all. But no, Jimmy’s eyes weren’t this electrical and that was a fact, not just Dean’s imagination.

Cas looked away and hugged himself tighter. "Why did you use me like that?"

Dean swallowed, hard. "Because I wanted you." He said in a much raspier voice than he had intended. It made Cas look over at him with these round fucking _eyes_. " At first it was just fun for me because I was bored but you…" he chuckled at himself and rubbed his neck nervously, looking down at the floor. "You got under my skin, alright? Made me want more."

"Did you mean it, when you said you’d come back and t-take…" Cas coughed and refused to meet Dean’s eyes.

"Take care of you?" Dean supplied when Cas was unable to finish. He watched in fascination how the other man closed his eyes and took a shuddering breath. "I did, Cas. I really meant it and I’m sorry that I left you in the dirt that night but I had to." He sighed and carded a hand through his short hair. "But that’s not why I’m here tonight. I mean, I wouldn’t _mind_ doing more with you but I think I really own you an apology so that’s what I’m here for, right?"

Cas was looking at him with calculating eyes, clearly thinking much too much for Dean to relax. He squinted at Dean and when he tilted his head to the side Dean wanted to kiss him. Just the memory of Cas’ hesitant kisses made Dean hot all over.

"Thank you for apologizing." Cas said eventually and Dean breathed a sigh of relief. He wasn’t hearing the forgiveness he had hoped for but the acceptance in Cas’ tone made him feel certain that he still could redeem himself somehow.

"So…" Dean knew he should be asking if he was supposed to leave now but his brain short-circuited and instead another question jumped to mind. "Have you talked to your wife? About, you know, being attracted to men?"

Yeah, way to ease into the conversation, Winchester. Dean wanted to roll his eyes at himself but Cas apparently accepted this as well because he didn’t get mad. He just sighed a little defeated sigh that Dean didn’t want him having to make, and turned around to sit on the bed.

"No." He admitted in a small voice. "I just… I haven’t had much time to think about that."

"Really?" Dean asked and gently stepped closer but still far enough away. He wanted to touch, though, and Cas sitting on a fucking bed did nothing to quell the desire that inched its way up and down Dean’s body. "What have you been thinking about?" He meant it in the most innocent way conceivable. Like, maybe Cas had taken on a hobby, maybe he had already had a hobby he had just been working on. Maybe he had worked especially much. Dean remembered him and his brother working at the local tax accountant office, maybe that had been stressful. Anything, he had literally meant _anything_.

And yet Cas turned smoldering eyes on Dean, making Dean shudder under the intensity. "You." He breathed out the one word with so much heat Dean felt like he needed a cold shower.

"Ah." Dean managed and fuck, he needed to sit down or Cas would see the effect his behavior was having on Dean’s dick. Could be Cas had been thinking about Dean in an angry fashion, though. Didn’t have to be sexual. Dean had after all just up and left him and-and… And why the fuck did Cas have one hand on his own crotch right now?

"Not a day went by without me being reminded of you." Cas continued relentlessly and while Dean kind of liked this new side of the man he still needed to sit down. Felt rooted to the spot, though. "Either someone was asking about you in church, or I saw a man with green eyes. Or I dreamed. Do you know how many dreams I’ve had about you, Dean?"

Fuck, Dean couldn’t breathe when he saw how Cas pressed his hand a little harder against his dick. "Yeah?" he mumbled and licked his lips as he watched Cas all but squirm on the bed. "What’d you dream about, angel?"

"The confessionals, mostly. You helped me so much, Dean. I wanted to be so mad at you, I still want to, but I couldn’t stay mad at you when I thought of how much you helped me realize." He suddenly stood from the bed and walked over to stand in front of Dean, just inches away, much closer than Dean had allowed himself. "And of course, you standing over me like you did that night." He breathed and Dean _had to_ put his hands on the other man. It was like a craving to touch him and Dean was certain in that moment that he would die if he didn’t give in. His hands landed on Cas’ slim hips and he felt them twitch under his light grip.

" Tell me." He demanded softly and watched how Cas’ eyes fluttered shut.

"I-I dream about you standing like you did in the graveyard but you… We’re…" he blushed so prettily that Dean’s fingers gripped tighter on their own volition. He was almost fully hard now, confused as to this turn of events but more than happy to let them play out.

"We’re naked?" he asked in a low rumbled and Cas actually fucking arched his back at that.

"Yes." The man admitted in a hiss that made Dean bite his lip lest he kiss Cas. He wanted to, so badly, but didn’t think he was allowed. He had already taken so much from Cas, he should let the other man decide what to give now.

"I’d like that." Dean mumbled, unable not to picture it and love it.

"You’re fully erect in my dreams, Dean." Cas continued in a hushed tone, eyes still closed and head tipped forward to hide as much as he could. "You-you’re stroking yourself, just looking at me."

"Yeah." Dean groaned because he couldn’t not groan at the mental image Cas’ words was conjuring. "You’re so beautiful, baby. Makes me so hard."

Cas made a whimper and all but fell into Dean, crashing against Dean’s chest and snaking his arms around Dean’s neck. Fuck yeah, Dean was so down with this. He really wanted to redeem himself to this man and if this was what Cas needed of him then yes, Dean would most definitely help the man play out his gay fantasies. Maybe help him work it out of his system or maybe (hopefully) help him realize that it was nothing to fear but to embrace.

Dean hugged Cas close and kissed the man’s hair when Cas buried his face against Dean’s neck, clearly smelling him. Dean knew he must smell like sweat and dirt and the bar (and possibly even alcohol) but Cas seemed to like what he smelled because he rubbed his face against Dean and fucking hell, that was Cas’ dick, all hard and pressed against Dean’s hip. Fuck it felt good, standing here and hugging Cas.

"Tell me more." Cas all but gasped and Dean couldn’t help how his whole body kind of rolled against the other man. The friction was delicious and the sound Cas let out was nothing short of divine.

"I’d stroke myself slowly at first, wanting to savor the image of you writhing beneath me." Dean continued in a low timber. Cas moaned and rolled with Dean now, their hips working in tandem to create such awesome friction that Dean was already seeing stars. "I’d want you to touch yourself too, make me see how much it affects you to see me above you. You still into bowlegs, Cas? ‘Cuz you know I’ve got ‘em."

"Oh Lord, forgive me." Cas whimpered out and Dean squeezed his eyes shut, hugging Cas closer still with one hand on the back of Cas’ head and the other on the small of the man’s back.

"Don’t go there, Cas." He shushed gently. "Let yourself have this. Just feel, if only for tonight."

Cas fucking mewled at that and pressed closer, one leg between Dean’s and his hands fisting at Dean’s back. "Show me, Dean." He pressed out and how his voice could change from a mewl to a growl so fast Dean would never know but he fucking loved it.

"It’s alright, baby." Dean cooed and walked them over to the bed. "I’m here now, I’ll take care of you."

Cas shivered in Dean’s arms but didn’t resist when Dean gently started removing his clothes. Fuck, this wasn’t what Dean had meant to do with his time here but he wasn’t really complaining. He had wanted this but not expected it. And Cas, Cas seemed to really need this. Maybe he was still uncertain of what he wanted, or if he should want what he wanted, but he sure as hell needed the physical closeness, Dean could tell that clear as day.

Even the short while Dean detangled them to be able to pull off his boots was enough for Cas to get restless, making such distressed noises that Dean’s heart ached.

"Still here." He mumbled against Cas’ temple and gently lowered the other man to the bed when they were down to wearing only their boxers. Dean wanted Cas naked more than anything but that, if nothing else, would be the final decision he left up to the other man.

"Dean." Cas moaned against Dean’s mouth, their lips so close they touched as he spoke and it made Dean unable to keep from rolling his hips down against Cas’. Cas moaned deeper when their dicks met through their boxers and Dean moved to kiss Cas’ neck when he felt Cas’ hands scramble uselessly against his shoulders. "Dean, I can’t want this, I shouldn’t do this, I-I…"

"Do you want me to stop?" Dean asked, his face buried against Cas’ hair and hoping to high heavens that the man wouldn’t say yes because he couldn’t imagine anything more painful than stopping right now. Was pretty sure his dick would spontaneously combust, for one.

But Cas surprised him by shaking his head forcefully. "No, d-don’t stop…" he choked out and rolled his hips with Dean, encouraging him to buck down harder.

"Fuck, Cas." Dean mumbled and nipped at Cas’ neck, turning the skin a ruddy red that he immediately licked soothingly.

"Please." Cas gasped then and it took Dean almost too long (seconds) to notice that the man was pawing at their boxers.

Dean couldn’t answer with anything but a guttural moan and he hastened to comply, almost ripping his own boxers in the process of removing them. Cas’ hoarse shout when their dicks first met was almost enough to make Dean come. Would Cas make sounds like that if Dean was inside him, pounding him hard? Dean had never wanted anything as much as he wanted to find out what Cas would sound like filled with Dean’s dick.

Dean leaned down again and pressed their dicks between their taut stomachs and it would have been dry enough to hurt if it hadn’t been for the amount of precome Cas was leaking. Oh, Dean was contributing for sure but shit, Cas’ dick couldn’t seem to stop weeping.

"F-feels so good." Cas moaned and pressed his head back against the pillow as he wrapped his slim legs around Dean’s waist, changing the angle and fucking hell, Dean was not gonna last long.

"Want to do so much to you, angel." Dean groaned and bucked against Cas with more force, pressing their aching dicks together, and grabbing Cas’ hips to keep him pinned down. "Want to show you everything. But fuck, I’m not gonna be able to hold out long enough."

"Tell me. I w-want to hear it." Cas’ voice stuttered even as his hips stuttered against Dean’s.

"My perfect angel." Dean mumbled and rose to sit on his knees between Cas’ spread legs.

Cas’ legs slipped down to rest on either side of Dean and his hands flew to grab at Dean’s knees, seemingly unable to keep away. Dean drank in the sight of the man beneath him, his hair tousled, his eyes lust-filled, his cheeks even pinker than before. He looked like the fucking definition of sin as he bit his lower lip shyly, eyes never wavering from Dean’s.

Dean grinned at him and grabbed both their dicks in his large hand. Cas’ dick was a little smaller than Dean’s but not by much and they felt so good together Dean couldn’t help but moan deeply. Cas arched his back sharply when he felt Dean’s hand around him and he squeezed his eyes shut. He started thrusting into Dean’s grip almost as soon as Dean started stroking them. Their combined precome slicked the way beautifully and Dean couldn’t wait to see Cas coated in their come.

"I want you so bad, Cas." Dean groaned and Cas bit his lip again, nodding. "I want to take my time mapping you out. Would use my tongue to lick every part of you. Your neck, your chest, your dick, your ass."

"M-my ass?" Cas asked uncertainly but Dean definitely felt how his dick jumped. Fuck, Dean loved hearing such a dirty word coming from the innocent man.

"Everywhere, Cas." Dean breathed. "I would lick you everywhere. Would you like my tongue on your asshole? Let me lick you open, push my tongue inside until you’re begging for something more, something _bigger_." He squeezed their dicks for emphasis on that last word and watched with satisfaction how Cas’ eyes rolled back into his head.

" _Dean._" He pressed out and his fingernails were making little crescent shaped dents on Dean’s knees.

Dean could feel Cas’ dick expanding and he sped up his hand. "Yeah, you’d love that. And I’d give it to you, fucking hell would I ever. Would go slow at first, make you feel the burn, make you feel me and then—" shit, Dean was panting, all of a sudden on the verge of coming himself "—then I would _fuck_ you."

" _Yes._" Cas whined out in a high-pitched voice that Dean hoped fucking everyone in Pontiac could hear.

Cas was so close, Dean could tell by how the man’s whole body vibrated and fucking hell, Dean was just as close. His dick aching for the release, his balls almost too tight, and his back sweaty from the effort of holding back because he _needed_ Cas to go first.

" Would just hold you tight and pound into that virgin ass of yours, marking you, making you mine, Cas." He all but fell down on Cas when a particularly forceful wave of arousal hit him and Cas took the opportunity to grab at Dean’s hair and neck, pulling him in to kiss him sloppily, desperately. The kiss, the kiss was going to do him in, Dean could tell by the way his whole body was locking up. "Want you to be mine, baby." He panted against Cas’ lips and Cas moaned wantonly at the hushed confession. "No one else should touch you, no man, no woman. Be my own little sinner and I would fuck you so good."

"Dean, please, I—" Cas gasped desperately, unable to finish his sentence but Dean understood better than anything he’d ever understood.

"Yes, Cas, come for me. Come now, angel."

And by fucking God, Cas totally came and came hard.

He pressed Dean’s face against his throat as he threw his head back, eyes scrunched shut and legs squeezing around Dean’s waist as his dick all but erupted in thick spurts that coated them both. It went on forever and Dean could do nothing but groan, keep on stroking, using Cas’ come as lube and fucking come harder than he had ever come in his entire goddamn life.

It felt as if all the air was punched right out of him as he emptied himself between them, mixing his own hot come with Cas’ quickly cooling pools.

"Shit." He pressed out and felt like he was about two seconds away from blacking out. He turned up his face to get to Cas’ mouth, wanting a kiss but found that Cas had either come so hard he’d actually passed out or he had flat out fallen asleep.

Dean just stared for a moment and then let out a little huff of a laughter and allowed himself to lower his body completely over Cas’, tucking his head beneath Cas’ chin and wiping his hand on the sheets. Their come would dry and stick and it would be awful but if Cas needed a moment to collect himself then Dean would be more than happy to give it to him.

The residual hum of his orgasm and Cas’ steady breathing soothed him and he eventually closed his eyes too, if only just for a moment.

  
  



	2. The resolution

  
  


Dean tested the water with his hand before starting to gently lower himself down into the tub in the motel room’s surprisingly nice bathroom.

"So Daphne’s not coming back until Sunday?"

Cas shuffled awkwardly behind him and Dean smiled in invitation, opening his legs and indicating with a wave of his hand that he wanted Cas to sit in the V of his legs. Cas made a skeptical face but walked over to sit down all the same. It was a big tub but with two grown men it got very crowded. Dean loved it.

"Yes." Cas answered and tentatively leaned back until his back was flat against Dean’s chest. "She’s in Clifton for a conference so I rented this room with some money I have saved. She doesn’t know about it, she’ll never know. I…" he trailed off and Dean frowned to himself.

"Is that why waited to call me back until now?"

Cas shook his head slowly. "No. I just… I just couldn’t not anymore. That she’s away now, it was simply c-convenient and…"

The way his voice hitched at the confession made Dean come to his senses. He understood that this was extremely difficult for the man to talk about and he shouldn’t have asked like that. Was stupid of him, really, to bring up Cas’ wife when he was in a tub with his lover. Or whatever they could classify Dean as. Mistress?

"It’s okay, Cas." Dean shushed gently and brought up his hands to caress Cas’ chest and stomach, cleaning him of their combined spunk.

They hadn’t slept for long, plastered together like that, but it had been long enough for the come to dry and get really uncomfortable. So Cas had wanted to shower, Dean had suggested a bath and presto, here they now sat, Cas leaned against Dean and Dean’s soft dick snuggled against Cas’ plump ass. He wondered if Cas could feel it and then immediately regretted thinking about it. Cas needed comforting, not a sex-crazed maniac. And for some reason Dean wanted to be that comfort for the man; wanted to wash his troubles away.

"Nothing about this is okay." Cas mumbled but he had his eyes closed and his head on Dean’s shoulder, letting the other man wash him.

"Felt pretty great to me." Dean admitted in a hushed tone, sliding his hands along Cas’ arms and then back to his chest. "Still does, to be honest."

"Really?" Cas murmured and sounded genuinely wondering. He turned his face away when Dean turned to look at him and Dean could see that the blush from the warm water had spread across Cas’ cheeks and down his neck.

"Cas, I’m not gonna lie. I’ve been with _a lot_ of people, both men and women." He harrumphed when he felt Cas stiffening momentarily in his arms. He hugged the man closer. " But the fucking truth of the day is that this, right here, is the best I’ve ever felt with another person." It felt awkward saying that out loud but the hitch in Cas’ breath was worth it.

"You’re just—"

"I’m not just saying it to get into your pants, Cas." Dean turned again and this time gripped Cas’ chin to keep him from turning away. "I’ve already been in your pants and I’m still here. We don’t really know each other that well so you won’t know that this is fucking special to me, okay?" he eased his grip on Cas and the man didn’t look away this time. Dean caressed his chin with his thumb. "My brother would probably squeal like a twelve-year-old girl if he ever heard me say this but I like…" he hesitated but could see that Cas needed to hear this and he for some reason needed to give this man everything. "I like just holding you. Cuddling or what the fuck ever. Cas, I like it here."

Cas’ whole chin trembled. "D-Dean." He mumbled and looked away, giving Dean space enough to breathe normally. What the fuck was the spell Cas had put on him? If Dean didn’t know better he would say Cas was maybe some kind of siren. "We’re both men…"

"Enough of that." Dean said heatedly. "I know you’ve been raised differently than I but hell, Cas, you must’ve felt what I felt out there on the bed, even if you feel nothing now. Otherwise," he swallowed hard and tried to reel in the unexpected burst of _emotions, damnit_. " Otherwise why would you get in the tub with me at all? You should’ve just kicked me out. Fuck." He pressed at Cas’ chest, pinning him to Dean’s body and leaned over, putting his lips against Cas’ ear. "At least _this_ part understands it’s okay."

Cas gasped when Dean cupped his dick and Dean’s eyebrow shot up when he felt that Cas wasn’t as innocently flaccid as Dean had thought he would’ve been. No, Cas was already sporting quite the semi to match what Dean had been trying to quell himself this whole time.

"Dean, I’m sorry." Cas whimpered out and squirmed in Dean’s grasp. "I’m sorry, you wanted to talk earlier and I just _threw_ myself at you and now you wanted to wash us and I-I reacted like this. I’m so _lewd_."

" Fuck yeah, you are." Dean pressed out, breathless with this turn of events. Fuck, Cas really couldn’t control himself around Dean and it was just so… Dean moaned when Cas’ dick jumped in his hand.

"I’m disgusting."

"_No._" Dean barked and Cas startled at the suddenly angry tone. Dean turned them as much he could in the tub, water sloshing over the sides, because he had to get to Cas’ mouth. The kiss was rough and demanding and Cas mewled into it, readily submitting. " Don’t ever call yourself disgusting, angel." Dean growled against Cas’ trembling lips.

"But I—"

"No. I’m not fucking kidding, Cas." Dean took a proper grip on Cas’ dick and it perked up real fast, filling out even as Dean stroked it easily. "You’re beautiful and everyone who doesn’t think so are assholes and you know it’s really the assholes that go to Hell. Not you."

Cas was writhing in Dean’s arms, his hips bucking up so much that even more water went over the edges. Dean was already so hard but he barely felt it in his desperation to make Cas understand that this was okay, this was right.

"I’m a married man." Cas gasped out even as his balls drew tighter and Dean sped up his hand.

"Yeah, well, everybody makes mistakes." Dean muttered, leaning in to nip at Cas’ lips and then they were kissing again. Desperately, forcefully and fuck, Cas was crying now.

"Shouldn’t… C-can’t…"

Dean shushed him softly. "Beautiful angel." He murmured as Cas’ hands clawed at him, his hips bucking frantically. "Never met someone so pure, my beautiful little angel."

"Dean." Cas sobbed out and threw his head back in ecstasy. Would’ve smacked his head on the tiled wall if Dean hadn’t caught him, reeled him, and pressed him close as Cas’ body convulsed when he came in Dean’s hand.

Dean cooed wordlessly and stroked the back of Cas’ head but fuck, the man wouldn’t stop crying. This was awful, Dean felt like the biggest idiot in the world. He didn’t know what to do and everything he did do only seemed to make matters worse. Fuck, he _needed_ this man to be alright and he so clearly wasn’t. Dean’s heart ached in a way he had never felt before and he was acutely aware that if this had been anyone else he probably would have given up trying by now.

But with Cas pressed so close, shaking as he cried against Dean’s neck, he could do nothing but feel shame and guilt and fucking sadness.

"Sh, Cas, calm down." He mumbled uselessly as Cas sobbed brokenly. "Come on, let’s get you standing, alright?"

He didn’t get an answer, or an indication that Cas had heard him, but he eased the both of them to their feet anyway. He pulled the shower curtain closed as he started the shower, keeping one arm around Cas at all times. He managed to pry off the stopper with his toe and the water gurgled as it flowed down the drain. The water from the shower head made pitter-pattering sound as it joined the rest.

Cas was standing facing Dean, his face in his hands and his head tucked under Dean’s chin as Dean rubbed his back and flank under the warm shower spray.

"Cas, fuck, don’t blame yourself." Dean mumbled with his mouth pressed to Cas’ wet head. "I don’t know what to do, tell me how to make it better." He sighed with relief when it seemed as if Cas’ crying had subsided a little. "Tell me what to do, Cas." He said and felt how Cas rubbed his face against his neck. He was probably getting the man’s snot all over him and he couldn’t care less. Yes, that’s right, Dean was fucking beyond caring about stuff like that, even. Shit.

Cas stood for a long moment, just trembling slightly and breathing unevenly. Eventually he let out a big sigh and swallowed in a gulp.

"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."

His voice was hoarse, probably from all the crying, but Dean heard him clear as day and he closed his eyes for a moment, unable to deal with the tidal wave of feelings Cas’ scared voice brought. But if this was what Cas needed then Dean had to deliver because for some reason he couldn’t not.

"Tell me the nature of your sin, child, so that the Lord may judge you fairly."

Kudos to Dean for keeping his voice steady and for remembering to revert back to his monotone voice level. His insides were an uproar of _flee while you still can, bro!_ and _he needs you!_ and Dean was actually pretty impressed with his own ability to stay standing at this point.

" I’ve lain with another man." Cas whispered and Dean had stopped rubbing the man’s body and was just holding him close now.

"Did you force him?"

"No, Father."

Dean still had his eyes closed and barely even noticed. He rocked them gently and what little water remained in the tub sloshed around them. "Did he force you?" he held high breath but didn’t have to wait for long.

"No, Father. I-I wanted to."

God, Dean could barely breathe with how much relief he felt at hearing Cas say that. "Then there is no sin, my son."

"But-but… I’m married."

"You shall not commit adultery." Dean intoned because he knew Cas needed to hear him say that.

"Matthew 5:27." Cas mumbled and Dean would have to take his word for it. "What should I do, Father?"

Fuck, Dean felt selfish. "You should divorce your wife. No matter what you think of that man, you need to do right by her."

"Matthew 5:31." Cas breathed and Dean didn’t know what the hell that was supposed to mean.

"You need to figure this out for yourself, my child." He kept on talking in his steady voice while hugging Cas even closer. "And you need to be honest with your wife. Both of you deserve better."

"Yes." Cas agreed breathlessly and Dean opened his eyes only to feel them strangely wet. Must be the shower.

"As for this other man." He continued and only barely managed not to let his voice wobble. "You should be honest with him as well, tell him what you need of him and trust him to be honest with you as well. Do this, my son, and the Lord will forgive your indiscretions."

"Thank you, Father." Cas mumbled against Dean’s neck and Dean fucking finally felt him relax. "Amen."

"Amen." Dean intoned and only then let out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding.

It took a moment longer for Cas to emerge from Dean’s gentle embrace but when he did his eyes were shining with strength and most of the wetness on his face was shower water, not tears.

"I’m sorry, Dean."

Dean grinned lopsidedly. "It’s okay, Cas. I realize this is a big deal, just want you okay ‘s all."

Cas returned a hesitant smile and fuck, Dean had never believed that bullshit about butterflies in the stomach but yeah, he totally got them now.

"Thank you for helping me." Cas said after a moment and Dean only then realized they had spent that moment gazing into each other’s eyes. Like they were fucking in love or something.

He reached up and caressed Cas’ cheek with the back of his fingers. "Any time, Cas." He mumbled and felt strangely embarrassed with the intimacy that was suddenly between them. "Do you want to get out of the shower?"

Cas nodded and Dean turned off the shower head before they stepped out. Both of them realized the floor was a little wetter than it should be but instead of it being weird or setting off another panic attack in Cas it made them smile. Cas laughed sheepishly as Dean used the shower mat to mop most of it up and Dean winked at him when he caught Cas looking at Dean’s ass. And Cas only blushed a little at the wink.

It was still really early compared to when Dean usually went to bed but he hadn’t slept much the night before and Cas was emotionally drained so they decided to go to bed together. The best part was that it was mostly kind of a unanimous decision that Dean could stay and that they would both sleep in the bed instead of one of them taking the small couch.

Dean briefly pulled on his clothes to go out to his car and bring in his usual duffle bag, always ready for a night away. He brought in toiletries and a change of clothes, sharing his toothpaste with Cas and fuck, he was even prepared to share his fucking toothbrush as well when he noticed that Cas hadn’t brought anything but Cas had been content with just sloshing some paste and water around.

"Hadn’t thought to stay the night, had you?" Dean teased as they stood shoulder by shoulder in front of the mirror in the bathroom.

Cas’ lips quirked up in a half-smile. "I don’t know what I expected. I didn’t bring anything to get me through the night but I did book the room until Sunday." He shrugged and walked out of the bathroom first, Dean flicking off the light. "I guess I was hopeful but that I didn’t really know what I was hoping for."

Yeah, those goddamn butterflies had taken up permanent residency in Dean’s stomach by now.

  
  


*****

  
  


Dean was woken in the middle of the night by Cas shaking him awake.

"Dean." Cas sounded distressed enough for Dean to blink himself to awareness even quicker than usual. His hand went under his pillow in search for his gun but remembered in the last second that he hadn’t put it there. "Dean, I’m sorry, I can’t do this."

"What?" Dean mumbled and sat up, still blinking blearily.

The small lamp on the bedside table was lit and was casting long shadows in the room. The alarm clock beside it read 01:32 am in angry red numbers and Cas was standing over Dean, now fully clothed and looking half-panicked again.

"I can’t, Dean."

Dean swallowed and took in his surroundings, a heavy weight setting in his stomach, squashing any brave butterflies. "Are you leaving?"

Cas was on the verge of tears, Dean could see that now. "I’m sorry." He rasped out and fuck, this was too much.

Dean sat up and swung his legs over the side, reaching out for Cas. And Cas let him take his hand but he didn’t step closer. "It’s okay, Cas." Dean said even though it didn’t feel fucking okay. Felt like life was fucking Dean over but what the hell was new about that? "Do you need me to leave too?"

Cas took a shuddering breath and then shook his head. "I’ve paid for the weekend, you stay if you want to but I-I just _can’t_."

Dean stroked his thumb over Cas’ knuckles. "Go if you have to, Cas, but don’t forget your last confessional, okay? Don’t let yourself down." Cas’ eyes teared up even worse and his grip on Dean’s hand tightened. He needed help, Dean knew, so even though he didn’t want to he let go of Cas, letting the man’s hand drop down. "It’s okay, Cas." He said again, trying to sound reassuring when he felt like crying himself. "It’s okay."

Cas pressed his lips together, held his tears at bay, and nodded once before practically bolting out of the room. Dean watched with dull eyes as the door snicked shut and a moment later he heard the sound of a car starting and then driving off.

"Well." He said to no one in particular. "At least I think he forgave me."

And wasn’t that what this had been about? Dean needing to see if Cas was okay with what he had done to the man? Sure, Cas was feeling awful about the whole gay-revelation thing but from where Dean was standing Cas at least didn’t seem to think Dean had raped him. And considering the stuff in the shower Dean suspected he had been forgiven for pretending to be a priest as well.

So, mission accomplished, right? Mission fucking accomplished.

  
  


*****

  
  


The next time Dean awoke it was much later, sunlight streaming in through the curtains and an actual fucking bird chirping outside his window. He groaned and turned around to get some more shut-eye before he remembered where he was and why.

"Fuck." He muttered and decided to get up instead. Should probably just take a quick shower to wake up properly and then head out.

Sure, Cas had paid for the whole weekend but that was his fucking problem, wasn’t it? Dean shouldn’t have to stay and utilize the room just because of that. Maybe he could get some of the money back if he left early, though? But what should he do with that, drive over to Cas’ just to give him the money and then drive away? Dean didn’t think he would be able to handle that.

So no, a quick shower and then a moment to answer Sam’s text from earlier this morning ( _when am I coming back? you finished with the books yet? no? then I’ll probably be a couple more days. bitch._ ) and then he would drive off, maybe visit Ellen and Jo at the Roadhouse. There were many possible opportunities to be had here.

None of that explained why he ended up in his boxers after his shower, sitting on the little couch and eating room service breakfast at ten in the morning. Well, he was hungry so why couldn’t he eat here instead of at a skeevy diner? Breakfast was included in the room because this was a good Inn, not like the ones Dean was used to sleeping in. So he indulged himself, sue him.

And then he indulged in lunch, all about three hours later, still in only his boxers and on the same couch, watching the small television that stood in the corner. Lunch wasn’t on the room but Dean could just pay the guy that brought the food, that was totally okay with the dude and yes, they had dinner as a room service option too.

It was five o’clock and Dean was just finished with his early dinner (still in boxers, no judging) when Cas burst into the room, looking frantic and flushed, as if he had been running all the way from his house.

"Hiya, Cas." Dean said and gestured to the TV. "Come join me, I’ve only seen this episode of The Simpsons four times, it’s practically new."

Okay, so maybe Dean had been waiting and maybe he was a little bitter but he had come here to do the right thing and had thought he’d done good. Having Cas leave like that in the middle of the freaking night had seriously dented his ego and had honestly hurt. Hurt in a way he hadn’t known he was capable of hurting.

"Dean." Cas breathed and stumbled into the room, practically slamming the door behind him. "You’re still here."

"Yeah, I’m here." Dean said sourly. "You said I could stay so I did." He immediately regretted his tone when he saw how Cas’ whole face scrunched up in pain. He sat up straighter and reached for the other man. "No, Cas, I’m sorry. Don’t look like that."

"Dean." Cas pressed out and practically flew into Dean’s arms, surprising Dean by climbing into his lap to straddle him and pressing his face in the crook of Dean’s neck. Dean let out an _oof_ from the sheer force of it but Cas didn’t seem to mind, he just snuggled closer and when Dean wound his arms around the man he could feel that Cas was trembling slightly. " Dean, I was so wrong. I thought I couldn’t do this, that I couldn't leave Daphne, that-that I should do what was _right_ but I…" he took a deep breath and pulled out to be able to meet Dean’s eyes. " I walked around my house and it just felt so _wrong_. Nothing in that house felt like home and I’ve lived there for over ten years. Ten years, Dean! And it didn’t feel right at all, it just felt so wrong."

Dean was stroking Cas’ thighs before he even knew what the hell he was doing. "It’s okay, angel." He murmured soothingly and felt Cas’ tremors subside slowly. "The right thing is not always the easy thing. Just take it one step at a time. What do you want the first step to be? What do you want?"

Cas was chewing on the inside of his cheek while he listened to Dean, his hands in fists and pressed against Dean’s chest.

"I want you." He eventually whispered and Dean couldn’t help grinning.

"Well, you’re off to a good start, then, because I want you too."

Cas smiled with trembling lips. "Still?"

Dean’s grin widened. "Always."

They looked at each other for a moment, maybe a little too adoringly for Dean’s comfort but he liked Cas in his lap alright. Liked it enough to lean up for a kiss even as Cas leaned down to meet him.

The kiss started out tender but very quickly developed into a dirty, tongue-fucking _heat_ that just grew between them until Dean had to push off Cas’ coat or he would go insane.

Cas broke off the kiss with a sharp gasp as he felt Dean remove his clothes and Dean paused with great difficulty. Fuck, he hadn’t meant to go there, again.

"I’m sorry, Cas." He mumbled against the man’s panting mouth. "We shouldn’t do this. We should probably hold hands and talk and shit." He swallowed hard and couldn’t resist bucking up slightly, relishing in the meeting thrust Cas’ hips gave. "But you’re fucking on top of me and you smell so _good_."

Cas actually chuckled at that, a small shy little sound that shot straight down Dean’s spine to pool in his lower back, fueling his arousal.

" _I_ smell good?" Cas asked and shook his head slightly. " I think we’ve done enough talking for a while, don’t you?" he leaned back a little to meet Dean’s eyes and fuck yes, the blue was almost gone and replaced by lust-black now.

Dean grasped his hips and bucked again, unable to sit still with Cas so close. "Wanna do so much with you, angel." He murmured and watched with satisfaction how Cas shuddered at his words. "We’ll hold hands and we’ll fuck each other, you’ll see."

Cas’ breathing hitched and he pressed down against Dean, their hard-ons meeting in the most delicious of ways. Cas leaned his head in, pressing his mouth against Dean’s ear and Dean could feel him breathing harshly.

"I-I want you inside me." He confessed in a whisper and Dean could feel the heat radiating from the other man. Embarrassment, shame, arousal. Fuck, Dean had to bite his lip to keep from coming. "Can I say that? Is that… normal?"

"Fuck yeah you can say it, baby." He groaned and grabbed Cas’ ass, loving the feel of it even through the man’s slacks. "You want me in here, filling you up? Don’t you worry, I’m gonna make you feel so good."

Cas threw his head back when Dean massaged his ass, pressing his fingers between the cheeks, and Dean didn’t miss the opportunity to kiss and lick the pale skin under Cas’ chin, loving how the scruff there made his lips prickly. Fuck, he wanted to bite and mark the man but he knew that even if Cas had made up his mind this time (he fucking hoped) he still needed to go back to his wife to sort everything out. And doing that with hickeys all over his otherwise blemish-free skin would be really bad. Dean had already overstepped the line when he nipped at the man’s neck the other night but thankfully that hadn’t left a persisting mark. Not that Dean didn’t want that. God, just thinking about Cas covered in marks only Dean was allowed to make made his dick leak desperately.

Cas’ thrusts were uncoordinated already and Dean loved how responsive the man was but also kind of figured they needed to move this to the bed before it was over. Also, Cas needed out of those damn clothes. Why the hell he had seen it fit to wear a suit under a big ass trench coat Dean would never know.

Cas whimpered needily when Dean pushed him away but Dean just grinned at him and followed to stand with the man before the couch.

"Gotta get you out of those clothes, angel." He murmured soothingly and Cas seemed to drink up every word. He stood and let Dean undress him, pliantly raising his arms and legs when needed and fuck yes, Cas was still as beautiful naked as Dean remembered from last night. But he was also shaking and Dean didn't think all of that was arousal. "Hey." He cooed and reeled Cas in for a tender kiss. "We’re not gonna do anything you’re not comfortable with."

Cas’ hands on Dean’s sides squeezed and he turned big blue eyes at Dean, fucking stealing Dean’s breath away or something just as corny as that. Shit, Dean had never felt like this with anyone else, that was for sure. He hadn’t been lying yesterday and he only hoped that Cas believed him, that maybe he could show the man how much this meant for Dean as well.

"I need you, Dean." Cas said and his voice was steady even as his eyes wavered.

"I know, baby." Dean mumbled and nuzzled Cas’ nose. "And I need you too but you know what, there’s _a lot_ we can do and we don’t have to do everything in one day, okay?"

" Okay." Cas agreed but Dean could still see that he was uncertain of what Dean meant.

"Come here." Dean murmured and pulled Cas towards the bed but was stopped when Cas tugged at Dean’s boxers. He looked back questioningly and Cas gave him such a determined gaze that Dean’s dick just _had to_ jump and spit out a big blob of precome. " Want me naked as well?" he said teasingly and pulled off his boxers in one swift motion.

"It only seems fair." Cas said and was obviously trying to sound resolute but his voice cracked when his eyes landed on Dean’s dick where it stood hard and proud, leaking at the tip and so fucking red that Dean felt as if it was on fire.

Dean stroked it once because he had to, couldn’t just let it hang or it would get painful. Before he knew it he had Cas’ hand on his dick as well and Cas was just kind of holding it, touching it reverently as if he’d never seen an erect dick before. Which would have been hilarious, what with his own hard-on poking Dean in the hip, if it wasn’t for the pleasure that surged through Dean’s body at Cas’ touch, making him almost incoherent.

"Shit, baby, you feel so good." Dean groaned and couldn’t help how his hips twitched when Cas took a stronger grip and started stroking for real.

"You’re so _hot_." Cas breathed and Dean groaned again, deciding in that moment that they needed to get a move on or he would cream all over the floor.

He gently pried Cas’ hand off him and turned the man so he could walk Cas over to the bed, not unlike what he had done last night. "You like my dick, Cas?" he whispered between little kisses and Cas moaned.

"It’s very aesthetically pleasing."

Dean broke off their kisses with a deep laugh and could only grin widely when Cas smiled hesitantly back at him. "I think yours is too." He winked and grinned more when Cas blushed even as his smile widened.

Dean pushed the man to lie on his back when they got to the bed and Cas spread out just beautifully. He spread his legs without Dean needing to encourage him and the blush crept down his chest at his own actions. Yeah, Cas wanted this but was still uncertain of himself, Dean could see that. Could see it especially in the way Cas turned his head away from Dean’s smoldering eyes and bit his lip bashfully. Fuck, the sight was enough to propel Dean forward without much conscious thought.

Cas drew a sharp gasp when Dean positioned himself between his legs but the sound he let out when Dean’s tongue first made contact with his hard dick was a sound Dean would never forget. Was frankly like honey for Dean’s starved soul.

Dean licked with a flat tongue all the way from the base to the very tip of the dick, taking extra care to spear his tongue and prod into the slit, gathering the precome there.

"Dean!" the word came out in a strangled shout and suddenly Cas’ hands were in Dean’s hair, pulling, pushing.

Dean pulled away unwillingly, smacking his lips just to get Cas’ taste (divine) all around his mouth, and met Cas’ shocked eyes.

"What?"

"What are you _doing_?"

Dean chuckled and went down to keep licking but was stopped by Cas’ hands in his hair. "What? I’m giving you a blow-job. Haven’t you ever…?" he trailed off, looking at Cas’ perplexed face and fucking shit. "You’ve never had a blow-job." He stated more than asked and watched how Cas shook his head slowly.

"N-no. I’ve… I’ve only ever been with Daphne and she thought—" he moaned when Dean managed to rip free of his grip and duck down to kiss his dick.

"Fucking bitch." Dean muttered and lapped at Cas’ jumping dick.

"And it’s _dirty_." Cas pressed out but his hands were nowhere near trying to stop Dean anymore.

" Nothing dirty about you, baby." Dean cooed and took a light grip at the base, jacking Cas gently as he smirked up at him. "Do you want me to stop because you’re not liking it? Tell me, Cas, I won’t get mad. Do you think it feels disgusting?"

Cas was panting as he stared down at Dean, his dick jumping and leaking between them. "No, I think it’s the best I’ve ever felt." He whispered and looked like he couldn’t believe he had just said that out loud. "Please don’t stop."

"Thank God." Dean laughed and dove right back to licking Cas’ quivering dick. "I like it as well. You just lie back, Cas. Enjoy this."

He didn’t give Cas enough time to answer before he promptly swallowed the man down. Cas fucking _howled_ and started thrashing the moment Dean started moving up and down his heated dick. Dean took a strong grip on Cas’ hips to keep him relatively still and just fucking went to town.

Cas’ dick was like velvet over steel and he tasted so fucking good. His precome was sweet and his dick was so hard it had to hurt. Dean wasn’t very used to deep-throating but with Cas he did it without thinking about it. Just sucked the man all the way down and Cas started babbling when he curved all the way down Dean’s throat.

Fuck, the man sounded good, so desperate and practically sobbing for release. His hips were bucking against Dean’s restraining hands and his breath hitched every time Dean sucked on the head on his way up.

Yeah, Cas’ sounds and reactions were really fucking fueling Dean’s own arousal and the pleasure spikes that shot through him were becoming painful. He was at an odd angle, lying on his stomach between Cas’ legs, but he had to thrust down against the bed and even though the covers chafed the relief that the pressure brought was enough to make him moan around Cas.

And that really fired Cas up.

"Dean!" he yelled again, this time the earlier shock in his voice was replaced by pure lust and Dean felt his own dick respond with a surge of precome. He moaned again. "Oh, Dean, you feel so good. I never imagined, I could never know, I-I…" he gasped desperately when Dean deep-throated him again. "Oh!" his hands suddenly went to Dean’s head again but he wasn’t pulling on Dean’s hair like Dean secretly wanted him to. No, he was practically clapping Dean on the head, desperately trying to get his attention. "D-Dean, you have to—I can’t hold—" he moaned and drew his legs up, boxing Dean in and fuck yes, Cas was coming, right now.

Even though Cas was pushing on top of Dean’s head, Dean did nothing to try and get away. He just yanked on Cas’ hips, pulling him closer and tried to relax his throat as much as he could when he felt Cas release hotly inside his mouth.

The groan that Cas let out was so deep Dean felt like he could feel it all the way through the man’s erupting dick as his throat worked around it.

"You’re swallowing." Cas gasped frantically even as his dick pushed out yet another spurt and Dean happily complied with swallowing that as well. "You swallowed."

Dean got to all fours when Cas had emptied himself, standing over Cas’ prone form and licking his lips like a goddamn animal. "You taste pure, angel." He purred, his voice much roughed than usual with the abuse to his throat.

Cas took a sharp breath and then reached up to yank Dean down by his hair, pressing their lips together and snaking his tongue inside to lick his own taste right out of Dean’s mouth. But Dean was greedy and wanted that taste for himself so he battled Cas right back, making the man once again easily submit.

The animal inside Dean growled and he fucking had to lower himself down to be able to rut his aching dick against Cas’ pelvis, relishing the feeling of Cas’ spent dick so close to his own.

"Let me do you too?" Cas asked against Dean’s mouth and nope, not this time because Dean was about two seconds away from shooting.

"Want to so much, baby." He groaned even as he bucked down harder. "But I’m not gonna last long enough. Gonna come, gonna come all over you."

"Yes." Cas hissed and fucking hell, that was Cas’ hand around Dean’s dick, squeezing and creating the perfect tunnel for Dean’s needs. He thrust wildly into it and was coming even as Cas continued murmuring. "Come on me, mark me like you said, make me yours."

" _Cas._" Dean gasped and hid his face against the man’s sweaty neck as he emptied himself. The orgasm was almost painful in its forcefulness and when he was done Dean could do nothing but slump down on top of Cas, completely drained both emotionally and physically.

They laid there for a long while, Dean panting slightly and Cas carding his fingers through Dean’s hair and fuck, Dean had never felt so content in his entire life. This was what it should feel like, he thought distantly, this was home.

"I’m divorcing Daphne." Cas suddenly announced, his voice determined and when Dean lifted his head he could see Cas staring sternly up at the ceiling.

"I’m glad to hear that." Dean smiled and put down his head again, snuggling in and Cas wrapped his arms around Dean, hugging him close. "Good for you."

"It’s gonna take time and I’m gonna need to adjust but the next time you happen to come by Pontiac I’m gonna be in a home of my own and you could stay if you wanted to. However long you wanted to." Cas mumbled and Dean felt a surge of affection for the man.

"I’d like that." He murmured into Cas’ warm skin and felt Cas hug him even tighter. "I’d like that a lot."

  
  


*****

  
  


Six months later Dean found Cas in his own apartment on the other side of Pontiac, his divorce from Daphne finally finalized. It had been a bad one because Cas had decided to be honest with literally everybody and the only ones of his family that hadn’t shunned him for his sexual preferences were Jimmy and therefore, by extension, Amelia and Claire.

And it was a good thing too, Dean thought, that Cas hadn’t been completely thrown away. Because even though he and Cas had spoken basically every day over the phone or through texts he still thought that having his own twin cut ties with him would really have devastated Cas. But Jimmy loved his brother no matter what and with his help Cas had found his new home, moved out of his old one and gathered the courage to actually quit his job as a tax accountant because fuck did he hate that. Yet another thing he had kept to himself all these years. Now he was working at a flower shop just a few blocks from his apartment and even though the wage was much less, he told Dean he felt happier than he had in many years.

Dean visited on and off as much as his lifestyle would permit and was thrilled the first time he introduced Sam to Cas and Jimmy and Sam couldn’t even keep the two apart. It had been hilarious to Dean who so easily could see who was who. For one, when Cas smiled at Dean he always felt an almost overwhelming need to kiss the man. With Jimmy, not so much.

It was a rocky and strange relationship they built together but Dean liked it and they made it work. Cas was still attending church even though many of the other parishioners looked at him like he had the plague. Dean was still hunting even though it kept him away from Cas for long stretches of time.

Still, Dean would take every opportunity he could to drive over to Cas and spend as much time with the man as he could and Cas would always welcome Dean home with a smile and open arms.

Sometimes Dean couldn’t believe that all of this good could have come from him impersonating a priest and deceiving a whole parish. It was like God was rewarding him for sinning and Dean couldn’t be smugger about that.

Even so, he took care to never pretend to be a priest again, not for any case in the world. Best not stretch his luck, he thought, and Cas had agreed.

"Besides," Cas had said one night when they lay sweaty and enjoying the afterglow of their (more loving than Dean cared to admit) sex. "If you’re going to be anyone’s priest, you’re going to be _my_ priest."

He had said it with such a somber voice that Dean had just known he was serious. Dean had smirked and enjoyed those damn butterflies.

"Yes, dear." He had mumbled and smirked wider when Cas had blushed prettily.

So maybe Dean wouldn’t impersonate a real priest again but he should probably dust off his old vestments, he thought. Could even hang them here, in the space of Cas’ wardrobe that was reserved for Dean’s clothes. Yes, he had thought as Cas had snuggled up to his side, that would be a fucking wonderful idea.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all very much for reading! <3


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